Luis Molinar, CPC, MBA-IM

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Love, Fear, Failure and Risk Taking

A few week's ago I was rereading Lord Alfred Tennyson poem in Wayne Dyer's, book, Wisdom of the Ages, that I'm sure many have read and most remember the last two lines.

"Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.”


These two memorable lines from Tennyson's poem, I Envy Not In Any Moods, from my perspective, goes beyond that of the love between a beloved in relationship. It may also say a lot, about how we may need to take risks in life as well as always going to the “love” in what ever we feel, see, and do.

When we live life from the love that we are, we are in fact going into life as if failure were not a consideration. That we can hold our fear and proceed, holding and living life from the unconditional, and not fearing living different from the past behaviors. From this place, we can take risks in life, as well as with others such as in relationships, partnerships, marriage, rather than choosing the fear of commitment.

We may eventually want to understand that there is no such thing as failure. That our perception of failure is all about our personal view and perception of what we have expected as result to a particular action, theirs, or ours. When our expectation is more than the result, or we never meet what we expect, we judge our selves or others and consequently make our selves and others wrong. The truth is we never fail we just produce results, some in line with what we expect, and some not.

The more we attempt at living life from the place of love and the unconditional, the more we are asking for love to come and bless us with every action we take in life. Accordingly, we find that failure is very objective and personal, and it's all based on our limitations, expectations, and fear, and not from a place of love and opportunity of expansion.

Let's say for example you take a risk at making a new dish for a dinner party and the specialty does not turn out as you expected, did you fail? Not necessarily, you just acted on making diner and you produced a result. Do you feel like a failure? Do you consider your self not talented, and consequently become a victim to your own judgment?

Many do become victims to their own “judge,” and in time become victims to not producing what meets their expectations to one particular thing, but also to other variables in life. They consider them selves failures and keep putting out that same energy of failing, loosing their place of the unconditional, the love that with time will stop renewing in them, and from the universe.

When I was getting my commercial pilots license after my military flying career and after being shot down twice in combat, I did not pass my first flight check ride that would entitle me to my commercial pilots license, did I consider my self a failure? Not necessarily, from that result of my first check ride, I knew what flying techniques I needed to practice to perfect, so that the next time I was being checked out by the FAA, Pilot, I knew exactly what he expected of me and my flying ability. From my results of my first check ride, I adapted and knew what to do to qualify for my Commercial Pilot's license.

When you don't get what you want after months and maybe years of preparation, do you consider your self a failure, and quit your efforts in getting what you want and deserve, or do you go back and attempt one more time, knowing more than the last time from the results of other attempts. To my understanding, this is what Tennyson is asking of us to comprehend and apply in our every day life, and in all areas of pursuit.

In the vast areas of relationships, one has not failed, even though one may have gone through many breakups or divorce court. You have produced a result. From my perspective, its better to delve into an experience of life, than stand by and hold back fearing that you may do something wrong.

Remember, when you first started something new, anything, you may have missed your mark the first time, the second time and maybe even the third time and maybe since you have not tried again because of your fear of failing. You just followed your preconditioning of your domestication in life that leads you away from taking a risk for the fear of failing? On the other hand, have you fallowed your own nature in trying again, and again, knowing, and applying what you've learned from previous attempts? Eventually your nature will win and you will reach what you have wanted to do. It really does not matter what it is, trying again with the awareness of your previous results, and making corrections, will get you your ultimate desired outcome.

Imagine if you succeed in overcoming your initial domestication from life, this could carry to everything in your dream of life. It is far better to have acted from love, and produced results that will help you grow, than to ignore the love and live in fear.

Know in heart, from the love that you are, “that you have never failed at anything and you never will.” Remember that your false judgment of failure in your mind, only keeps you living life from a place of fear and of being the victim.

After I passed my check ride and was issued my Commercial pilot's license, I was asked by another pilot how it felt having failed my first check ride, I said, “I never failed, I know now, how not to pass the check ride for a commercial pilot's license.”

I offer the following suggestions to put Tennyson's classic poem and its concept to work in your life:

  1. I suggest that you eliminate the term “failure” from your vocabulary and not use it in reference to your self or anyone else. Remember, if things did not turn out as you would want, you did not fail, you only produced a result that may not have matched your expectations. 
  2. Take note of your results, change your patterning with out making our self wrong, and attempt something different the next time, coming from a deeper awareness from your previous results. 
  3. When others use the term “failure” about something you did, kindly correct them by telling them that you have not failed, you have just found another way in not doing “that” and or you did your best. 
  4. Take your self to activities that hold fear for you, go past the fear holding the love that you are, and laugh at the outcomes, no matter what they may be.
  5. When setting goal's in life, let go of the expectation's that comes from your own fear, and always remember to follow the love in doing your part to accomplishing your goals, and give the rest away for conclusion.

Luis Molinar

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